“Hi, I’d like you to meet my friend P.”, said Mr. T introducing me to one of his workmates.
Friend, my brain cried out. What do you mean, friend?!?! We’ve been dating for several weeks. Heck, we’ve even slept together! Luckily, I intercepted my brain’s monologue before it got to my mouth and just smiled at the nice secretary.
Six months later, firmly entrenched in girlfriend status, we visited his family for Thanksgiving.
“Suzie,” Mr. T’s mother said to a relative. “I’d like you to meet P., she’s T.’s friend.” There we go again with the friend thing, exclaimed my brain. We’ve been dating for seven months! Just because you prefer to think we aren’t sleeping together doesn’t mean you can dismiss my status as girlfriend! How dare you…Ooooo, that pumpkin pie sure looks yummy! Bringey here!! (Luckily, my brain got distracted just in time).
It took me a while to get over being called his “friend” instead of his “girlfriend”. However, I’m not even sure I like the terms “girlfriend” and “boyfriend”, and this is something I’ve been mulling over for a couple of months now. First of all, I’m not a girl and Mr. T is definitely not a boy…ehem…
Secondly, we’re a lot more than friends. And it’s not just this “friends with benefits” crap which I hear about so often nowadays. We’re in a serious, committed, monogamous relationship of equals. Which brings to my mind the word “partner”. However, that term has smartly been adopted by the gay and lesbian communities (I bet you they could teach us a thing or two about relationships of equals), and I really don’t want to go through the hassle of explaining that I’m not a lesbian.
Mr. T suggested “my dude” or “my stud” (OK there, cowboy…), but I don’t think that would go over too smoothly in work-related situations. The only option I’ve been able to come up with is “my man”, but that sounds very country music, don’t you think? I’m at a loss…Any suggestions?
January 27, 2007 at 3:23 am
Years ago, I worked with a lovely older woman who always referred to my boyfriend at the time as my “special” friend. I thought that maybe she felt that term was more modern or respectful. Though “special friend” was certainly not the right alternative, even at 23, “boyfriend” did already feel a bit wrong to use. But then when my “boyfriend” (different person) became my husband a few years ago, I learned that I still found it funny to use the term “husband”. It still surprises me every time I use it for some reason.
Maybe it’s just hard, after a certain age, to sum up a relationship in a label. No matter what we come up with, it’s going to sound a bit reductive?
Ok, so, that said, what about calling him your “guyfriend”?
January 27, 2007 at 4:23 am
What about ’significant other’? Too wordy? Main squeeze? Ball and Chain? Old Lady? I had this same dilema until we got engaged. “Boyfriend” sounds so highschool, doesn’t it? But I would have been bothered by the seeming insignificant qualification of ‘friend’. So I understand where you’re coming from before the pumpkin pie enters the room.
January 27, 2007 at 1:54 pm
If I were him, I would love to be called “your man.” Sounds so manly. Even better is “the man.” We men like that sort of stuff.
January 27, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I used to refer to Slim as my “lover” but she hated it. I must say that I generally espoused the whole idea of labels, and introduced Slim by name. I figure, let whomever I’m introducing her to make their own assumptions about our relationship. If they were close to me they would already know our relationship. If they were not close to me, then it’s none of their business what our relationship is.
January 27, 2007 at 4:25 pm
i hear people say “this is my sweetie” which kind of drips of honey but is almost endearing. boyfriend does sound high school-ish while significant other seems too heavy of a label.i know lots of people who use the term “partner” (hetero/homosexual couples).
gee, good thing i am single so i don’t have to worry about this stuff. (she says to herself wishing she had one. shhhh!)
January 29, 2007 at 12:50 am
Good for you for being able to hold your tongue at the right moments. And I think sometimes parents just aren’t sure what to say, and “friend” is the easiest.
I don’t think I could refer to someone as “my man” with a straight face, precisely for the country western sound of it. It’s been so long since I had an official boyfriend who I could introduce that way that I genuinely can’t remember how I used to introduce him.
I think I’m with Twobyfour on just introducing by name and letting people draw their own conclusions.
January 30, 2007 at 1:55 pm
How about, “This is …, my love” ? Or not. It does all seem queer and corny when you’re past a certain age.
January 30, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Well, I’m kind of in a different situation than you…it’s an open relationship, that neither of us is taking advantage of (the open part, I mean)…but that needs to be defined that way (yeah, confusing, but it works)…ANYWAYS, I sometimes call him my “un-boyfriend” – but just as a joke.
Really though, I think the best thing to do is just introduce people by their name…I don’t think we necessarily have to define things all the time…let others come to their own conclusions about the nature of your relationship. YOU and HE know what’s up and that’s all that matters…
January 31, 2007 at 1:51 am
Could you just say, “This is my “? As in, “This is my T.”
Hmm, or does that sound a little creepy and mother-ish?
January 31, 2007 at 4:40 am
angie – Ha! It does sound kinda cute, in a grandmotherly way!
October 28, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Hello! Do you approve of my soaking investor I have a good fresh joke for you! When do you need to oil a mouse? When it squeaks.