Case of the Ex – with update « Dog is My Co-Pilot

I took Morena for a walk (on lead, ha ha), and as we rounded the final corner towards Mr. T’s complex, I saw a guy in an old green Honda Civic. He looked familiar, and as I approached the car I realized that IT WAS MY EX-HUSBAND!

(Pause for collective gasp)

FORTUNATELY (Thank you GOD), he was looking down at some CDs that he was shuffling on his lap, and he didn’t see me as I walked by (strange, because I was wearing a bright orange shirt). I was 90% certain it was him at that point, so I sped up and turned the corner into the driveway that leads to Mr. T’s building.

Crouching behind some bushes (damn bright orange shirt!), I watched as he got out of his car and took some items out of the trunk. IT WAS HIM!! At this point, I was certain. There was no mistaking his thick legs, untucked over-sized polo shirt, bald head, and 1980’s Ray Ban sunglasses.

My heart pounding, I watched as he returned to the car two more times to retrieve items. Each time, he disappeared from view as he headed towards the home he was visiting (or living in? GAWD!). I couldn’t see which condo he was going into, because it was located on a driveway that runs parallel to Mr. T’s.

I waited a few more minutes, but he failed to come out again, so I ran to Mr. T’s house and locked myself inside.

This is the second sighting of the ex in as many months, after eight months of blissfully ignoring to where he’d vanished. Last month, he suddenly appeared (not as a guest, but as an onlooker) at a 320-person wedding I was coordinating for the daughter of a local politician. Now, he shows up just one driveway away from where I will very soon be living full-time.

I’m trying to rebuild my life… Is it too much to ask that he do the same while keeping a reasonable distance from me? Is this all just a coincidence, or is something strange going on?

I hesitate to tell Mr. T. I’m afraid he’ll think I’m more trouble than I’m worth… First an undisciplined dog, now a lurking ex-husband. What next? A mother who comes to live with us?

UPDATE: I wrote the original text Sunday at around noon. It’s Monday, 24 hours later, and his car is still there. GAWD!!!!

Jen Says:

September 2, 2007 at 10:04 pm

Yikes! I can just see you hiding behind that bush with your orange shirt!
I think I would tell Mr T without giving it too much thought… but then again I don’t keep many things to myself while in relationships, which can prove to be not such a good thing.

*******

When we started dating, I was not yet divorced and he mentioned something along the lines of, “I hope I don’t have to worry about your ex-husband stalking us.” I reassured him that everything was under control. Mr. T worries a lot about things like this and I wouldn’t want to burden him needlessly.

jan Says:

September 2, 2007 at 10:41 pm

Could all be a coincidence.

OK, neither do I.

Yeah… A little too close (literally) for comfort. Yikes…

veloCC Says:

September 2, 2007 at 11:29 pm

That is a tricky one. My husband and I never sat down and exchanged details about our previous “love-life”. We know about a few people, but that’s it (we both hadn’t been married before), but if something came up, e.g. I found letters of an ex-girl-friend, we talked about it. So, it is up to you, to decide, if you are ready to share this with Mr.T. But since it is obviously so uncomfortable for you to see your EX, it might be helpful to get it off your chest…

I’m more worried about Mr. T’s reaction than about anything my ex is capable of doing to me. He would get worried and fret. I just can’t believe that out of the MILLIONS of homes in San Diego, he had to go date/know/work with (???) someone in Mr. T’s complex. What are the odds of that???

Teej Says:

September 3, 2007 at 2:14 pm

Very, very strange. You know him–is he the jealous stalker type? (The fact that he showed up at one of your wedding jobs makes me wonder.) But tf not, then this must be an unfortunate coincidence.

You might have to decide whether Mr. T will feel more alarmed by the fact that this guy is in near proximity or by the fact that you didn’t tell him for x days or weeks after you found out. If you’re hesitant to tell him, you could stake out the house for a week or so and, if there’s no sign of the ex, he was probably just visiting. But if it looks like he’s moved there, you might need to speak up.

Regardless, this SUCKS and I wish the ex would stop running in to you!

He’s not the jealous type… He’s the majorly nuts, manic-depressive type!! I think you’re right, if it looks like he moved in, I’m talking w/T. Thanks, Teej!

Bre Says:

September 3, 2007 at 4:13 pm

Wow! That’s more than a bit “coincidental”… I think you need to teach Morena to “sic ‘em” just in case!

Well, she was “our” dog, so I’m not sure how much aggression Morena would show towards him.

sturdy girl Says:

September 3, 2007 at 5:33 pm

ohmygod. That SUCKS! I think I would keep it quiet, at least until you are sure what’s going on. I agree with you – I’d be worrying that my SO with be wondering how much baggage I had!

**********

Thank you for agreeing with me, I wasn’t sure what to do but I’ll go with my gut on this one!

Sandra Says:

September 3, 2007 at 8:18 pm

So do you think he has a new girlfriend who lives there? I take it you don’t feel comfortable to let him know that YOU already live a few doors down, because maybe that will send HIM off, and then the problem is solved? Eww, I would hate this.

I really do think it’s a girlfriend! GAWD! And no, I know him too well, if I were to tell him I already live here, he would find some way to make my life a living hell. I’m better off avoiding him.

juliness Says:

September 4, 2007 at 12:05 pm

Creepy. And sort of ‘too much, too often’ to be a mere coincidence.

I think you know Mr. T best in terms of how he’ll respond. But if it begins to feel like you’re “keeping something” from him, then by all means let him know what’s going on.

********

You’re right, I don’t want to keep him in the dark forever, but I want to see how the situation develops.

J Says:

September 4, 2007 at 2:26 pm

Cmon now, you’re bigger than that. Tell Mr. T, and you two walk over and welcome him to the neighborhood (with growling dog in tow, of course).

Yeah, I could even bake him some cookies!! Thanks for the giggles…

Dave Says:

September 4, 2007 at 3:51 pm

What a horrible co-incidence. I hope it turns into maybe just a one off house-sitting gig for your ex or something, this would be hellish to live through.

When my parents divorced my mother ended up living in the house across the street from my father to spy on him. It was not a pretty site.

***********

Wow, Dave, I thought I had it bad! Your poor dad, what a horrible situation!!

Scarlett Says:

September 4, 2007 at 5:51 pm

OH. MY. GOD, I would not be happy. No way, not one damn bit….what are you going to do?> that’s a hard one to ignore!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

yikes!

Yeah, you’ve said it! It’s hard to ignore knowing that I moved 100 miles away from where he was living, only to find him basically next door!

Lisa Says:

September 4, 2007 at 7:45 pm

Wow…That’s crazy. Although if he’s not trying to be in your life, could be totally peaceful and fine. But still, very disconcerting!

Mmmm… There’s NOTHING peaceful about my ex, sad to say.

Nance Says:

September 4, 2007 at 8:37 pm

Well, stranger things have happened, and it may just be a coincidence. After all, he hasn’t made contact with you, and the wedding he was at wasn’t someone obscure, but a “local politician”’s daughter. (Plus, it wasn’t HIM who was crouching in the bushes…:-)!) If it’s a condo development of some size, lots of people live there and he may, indeed, have a girlfriend or even a relative there. Who knows? I might not mention it to your fiance at this point unless the ex shows up at yet another venue or attempts to engage you unpleasantly. At that point, you definitely have something to talk about.

You’re absolutely right, Nance. I really do think it was a coincidence (some sick, demented, twisted coincidence…). But yes, if he does show up again, I’m not keeping quiet this time. Thanks!