What would you do if you called your parents to tell them some wonderful news about a new development in your life, and they informed you that they are flat broke? And I mean, “We ain’t got no money, honey” broke. Like, they can’t even pay for the toll road broke.
I don’t have much in the way of savings, as I am just now recovering from the divorce. I can send them several hundred dollars, but that won’t solve their long-term problems.
What really, really irks me is the fact that they squandered their money on needless luxuries. During my college days and beyond, I remember they would eat out at elegant restaurants five and six days PER WEEK! Their bills were usually in the $100-$200 range, and that was just for the two of them! My father had a passion for Italian shoes and clothing, and it wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to spend $400 on a pair of shoes.
Even more destructive than their personal spending habits was my father’s business philosophy. He thought nothing of supporting a string of down-on-their-luck deadbeat “friends” by giving them low-responsibility, high-income jobs. Additionally, they allowed my brother to spend two years at an expensive private college, drinking it up and charging $2,000 per month on the AmEx while failing his classes.
My mother has told everyone who would listen how much she and my father spent on my college education, and how their entire business capital went towards funding my studies. That’s the biggest load of bull I’ve ever heard, and I’m tired of listening to their shit and feeling guilty. I graduated from college in 2000 and mostly paid my way through my last two years. I have been independent ever since. Meanwhile, they continued their stupid spending spree until they started to realize, just last year, how dire their situation really was.
I’ve calculated how much my parents could’ve saved if they had curbed ONLY their restaurant habit, and the amount is staggering: $36,000 per year. If they had saved that amount every year since 1996, they would be able to retire in Mexico with a comfortable income. DON’T I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD? I mean, seriously: Who’s the adult now?
Dog is My Co-Pilot 
March 21, 2007 at 11:09 am
Is it more like you’re mad because, just when things are going great for you and you can see clear skies ahead, now here come the gray skies of worry again?
It’s a drag.
March 21, 2007 at 2:23 pm
$36,000.00 A YEAR just on food??? That is amazing…and not in a good way either.
That’s unbelievable! More than lots of people even make in a year!
March 21, 2007 at 3:39 pm
That totally sucks. I think the hardest part (as a fellow Pisces!) is that we have such a rescuer instinct. It’s hard for us not to try to swoop in and fix things, even when it’s obviously the right thing to do…and when we don’t, we feel guilty, like somehow we’ve done something wrong, when really, it has NOTHING to do with us. Learning how to draw those kind of boundaries has been one of the most valuable life lessons I’ve ever learned!!! Stay strong!
March 21, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Karen – Yes, that has a lot to do with it… *sigh* But I’ll keep focusing on clear skies ahead. 🙂
Stacy – It’s not amazing, it’s pathetic. It’s sad. It’s embarassing but true. 😦
Shellz – THANK YOU!! Your words worked magic on me! It’s so hard to remain impartial, especially with cultural issues pushing me towards helping. But, this is a lesson they have to learn on their own. And setting boundaries is a lesson I have to learn on my own. Again, thanks!
March 21, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Sometimes, you do more harm than good by “helping’. There is a world of difference between family sticking together and helping each other between hard times and…that. I’ve helped my parents out a few times, and they have helped me. Either way, we always a) didn’t ask for/expect the help b) paid each other back quickly and moved forward from there.
March 21, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Oh, I’m so sorry. That is both infuriating and scary. How are they so irresponsible when you are so incredibly responsible? I agree with Shellz – I’m sure your instinct says to save them. And of course you are there for them. But they have to fix this. It sucks that you are the most grown up one in this situation though.
March 22, 2007 at 12:08 am
It’s always a strange feeling when you realize that your parents are not only fallible, but have made some pretty bone-headed decisions in their lives. Worse yet, sometimes we realize that they are still making those poor choices, and there’s little we can do about that.
For what it’s worth, remember that they’re only human.
March 22, 2007 at 12:33 am
maya – I would be too embarrased to ask them to pay me back, and I think my dad would be mortified if I sent him money.
Lisa – You’re right, they have to fix this. If it was me in the bind, they’d say: We love you, now fix your problem.
2×4 – Yes, they’re only human. But it’s still infuriating…
Thanks for your support, everyone. 🙂
March 23, 2007 at 12:22 am
you have every right to your feelings. i would be upset too! shoot, that’s my yearly salary!
March 27, 2007 at 7:33 pm
I’m late, so can I ask a follow-up question? What’s happened since the last time you talked to them?
March 27, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Fringes – They’ve toned down their drama a bit and are looking for a cheap place to move into, but my mom keeps rejecting the cheap apartments in favor of more expensive ones. *sigh* Thanks for asking…