At last night’s wedding in a private villa, I was getting the bridesmaids and groomsmen ready for the introduction. The bride and groom were MIA, so I went to look for them inside the house. I found the groom next to one of the bathrooms and asked if they were ready to go out. The bride emerged from the bathroom and said, “Wait, little Gavin (ring bearer) needs to have his butt wiped.”

OK, that’s not in my contract. Ass-kissing, yes. Butt-wiping, no thanks.

People, repeat after me:


And weddings.

Don’t mix.


P.S. I just found out we’re spending the Winter holidays in Brazil and Cuba!!! Life is getting better and better…