Last night I was looking at the details of the flight I’m taking to Italy this Saturday.  As I browsed the last page of the printout Mr. T gave me when he bought my ticket the day he left for Europe, I saw something that made my stomach flip:

“Paper tickets processing fees: $26.95”

Paper tickets???  I never received paper tickets!  It’s Tuesday evening, my flight leaves Saturday at 6:30am, and I don’t have the paper tickets!!  I wrote Mr. T a flustered e-mail but had no way of reaching him directly because he’s traveling in France at the moment.  And did I mention the nine hour time difference and the scarcity of Internet access where he is, which makes it virtually impossible for us to communicate?  I tossed and turned all night, imagining the worst…

At 5:30am I woke up and found an e-mail from Mr. T stating that, yes, I was supposed to receive paper tickets.  He gave me his Orbitz account information and told me to call customer service because his account didn’t show a UPS tracking number for my tickets.

I dialed Orbitz and listened to a garbled version of Pachabel’s Canon for twenty minutes while on hold (Yes, wedding music at 5:45am.  Someone’s idea of a sick joke, perhaps?).   A little Indian guy finally answered and asked me for my record locator number, my name, Mr. T’s name and e-mail address, and his billing zip code.  I was able to answer everything except the zip code information, because his billing address is where he works, and I don’t know it.

I told him, “Look, I have his Orbitz password and his mailing address.  It’s three days before my flight and I don’t have my tickets, you have to help me!”

The little Indian man wasn’t impressed with my situation, and told me that if I couldn’t provide the zip code, he couldn’t help me… For my own safety.  Huh?

“Look, little Indian man, either you tell me where my tickets are or God help me I will fly to India, find you, and kill you!!!”

That’s what I wish I had said… Instead I said, “I need to speak to a supervisor if you can’t help me.”

“Please hold.”  Click.  Pachabel’s Canon.   AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Twenty minutes later, another little Indian man answered the phone.  By that time, I had managed to look up Mr. T’s billing address from an old e-mail and was able to provide his zip code…. For my own safety.  Whatever.

The little Indian supervisor had me enjoy another five minutes of Pachabel’s Canon while he searched for my tracking number, and when he returned to the phone he told me that the tickets had been delivered on June 19 to Mr. T’s house.  WTF???

I hung up and went back to my computer to e-mail Mr. T.  I saw that he had sent me another e-mail, so I opened it.  It said, “I contacted Orbitz Customer Service online and they told me that the tickets were delivered to  my house on June 19.”   AAARRRGGGHHH!!!  You could’ve told me that before I wasted 40 minutes of my life listening to Pachabel’s Canon.

So, that’s what I did at 5:45am.  Now I have to figure out who received the tickets and where they are.  Hope your Wednesday was off to a better start!