nonsense


Twenty bucks says that within a year, Ms. South Carolina will:

a) Land her own reality show, and

b) Marry a multi-millionaire.

Holy cow, if your week has been HALF as insane as mine, I’m buying you a drink.  Mercury is in retrograde, or so I’m told.  Whatever it is, I wish it would just leave me alone!  Go screw up someone else’s life.  I found the plane tickets but very likely lost a client because of a venue’s mistake.  The Universe giveth and the Universe taketh away.  Crap.  It’s 10:30pm and I haven’t packed my suitcase yet.  Double crap.  I have a 300 person wedding tomorrow, another 12 hours on my feet, followed by 19 hours on my ass breathing recycled air inside a tin can hurtling through space.  Happy thoughts, happy thoughts…

Last night I was looking at the details of the flight I’m taking to Italy this Saturday.  As I browsed the last page of the printout Mr. T gave me when he bought my ticket the day he left for Europe, I saw something that made my stomach flip:

“Paper tickets processing fees: $26.95”

Paper tickets???  I never received paper tickets!  It’s Tuesday evening, my flight leaves Saturday at 6:30am, and I don’t have the paper tickets!!  I wrote Mr. T a flustered e-mail but had no way of reaching him directly because he’s traveling in France at the moment.  And did I mention the nine hour time difference and the scarcity of Internet access where he is, which makes it virtually impossible for us to communicate?  I tossed and turned all night, imagining the worst…

At 5:30am I woke up and found an e-mail from Mr. T stating that, yes, I was supposed to receive paper tickets.  He gave me his Orbitz account information and told me to call customer service because his account didn’t show a UPS tracking number for my tickets.

I dialed Orbitz and listened to a garbled version of Pachabel’s Canon for twenty minutes while on hold (Yes, wedding music at 5:45am.  Someone’s idea of a sick joke, perhaps?).   A little Indian guy finally answered and asked me for my record locator number, my name, Mr. T’s name and e-mail address, and his billing zip code.  I was able to answer everything except the zip code information, because his billing address is where he works, and I don’t know it.

I told him, “Look, I have his Orbitz password and his mailing address.  It’s three days before my flight and I don’t have my tickets, you have to help me!”

The little Indian man wasn’t impressed with my situation, and told me that if I couldn’t provide the zip code, he couldn’t help me… For my own safety.  Huh?

“Look, little Indian man, either you tell me where my tickets are or God help me I will fly to India, find you, and kill you!!!”

That’s what I wish I had said… Instead I said, “I need to speak to a supervisor if you can’t help me.”

“Please hold.”  Click.  Pachabel’s Canon.   AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Twenty minutes later, another little Indian man answered the phone.  By that time, I had managed to look up Mr. T’s billing address from an old e-mail and was able to provide his zip code…. For my own safety.  Whatever.

The little Indian supervisor had me enjoy another five minutes of Pachabel’s Canon while he searched for my tracking number, and when he returned to the phone he told me that the tickets had been delivered on June 19 to Mr. T’s house.  WTF???

I hung up and went back to my computer to e-mail Mr. T.  I saw that he had sent me another e-mail, so I opened it.  It said, “I contacted Orbitz Customer Service online and they told me that the tickets were delivered to  my house on June 19.”   AAARRRGGGHHH!!!  You could’ve told me that before I wasted 40 minutes of my life listening to Pachabel’s Canon.

So, that’s what I did at 5:45am.  Now I have to figure out who received the tickets and where they are.  Hope your Wednesday was off to a better start!

I was tagged by my good blend Tex, so enjoy!

A- Attached or Single? Very much attached
B- Best Friend: I’ve got three
C- Cake or Pie: Gimme pie any day!
D- Drink of Choice: Red wine (no sissy Merlots for me)
E- Essential Item: Laptop
F- Favorite Color: Pink
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Yuck, neither
H- Hometown: Mexico City, largest city in the world!!
I- Indulgence: Swiss chocolate
J- January or February: January
K- Kids: It used to be two, but now I’m thinking one
L- Life is incomplete without: A well-stocked kitchen, dogs, travel, and a great lover.
M- Marriage Date: It’s looking like October of next year!!!!
N- Number of Siblings: One younger brother
O- Oranges or Apples? most definitely apples
P- Phobias/Fears. Bees, spiders, heights
Q- Favorite Quote: “Bloom where you’re planted” – dunno who said it
R- Reasons to smile: If you had seen my life a year ago, you’d be smiling today, too
S- Season: Sprrrrrrrrrrrring!
T- Tag Three:
Karen Shanley

An9ie

Constant Evolution


U- Unknown Fact About Me: I used to dream of being a Broadway star, but I can’t sing to save my life

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Have you read Fast Food Nation?
W- Worst Habit: I have OCD and pick at my fingers/cuticles.
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? Accupuncture
Y- Your Favorite Foods. Veggie lasagna, sourdough bread, blueberry scones from Starbucks, strong cheeses
Z- Zodiac: The epitome of a Pisces


As long as the pregnant look is “in”, I fear that the next time I utter the words “I have nothing to wear”, it will be out of a genuine concern for the lack of clothes in my closet.

I went shopping today in preparation for the Spring/Summer season. I love youthful, sexy clothes and was happy to see a large selection of colorful tops at the mall. However, upon trying them on, I was dismayed at what was reflected in the mirror. My cleavage was accentuated, yes. However, below my ample endowments, every single shirt billowed out, giving the impression that I was either:
a. Five months pregnant, or
b. Trying to hide love handles, a muffin top, and/or a pot belly.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the five-month pregnant look, BUT ONLY IF YOU’RE PREGNANT!!! I don’t know a single woman who appreciates being asked how many months along she is, when she’s not pregnant. But with these new shirts, you’re just BEGGING for it!

Additionally, I work out and watch what I eat precisely so I won’t have to wear billowy shirts that hide unsightly bulges. However, it seems that the 60% of people in society who are overweight have won the battle and now even size 4 shirts make every woman look like she’s hiding a beer belly. Is this someone’s sick idea of evening out the playing field?

So until form-fitting tops are back in style, you’ll hear me sighing every so often and lamenting that I have nothing to wear.

According to WordPress, 34 people have found my little blog today by doing an Internet search for the term “thank you“.  I wonder what all these people are thankful about, and why they would launch a search for their gratefulness.

If you’re one of the lucky individuals who found me through this odd search term, I have one thing to say: Thank you for stopping by. 🙂

I was tagged to reveal seven weird facts about me, six of them true and one false. You can see the original post here, and below are my answers. Did you guess correctly?

1. I have moved to a new home a total of 26 times in my (almost) 31 years of life. True.

My biggest wish is to find a place to finally call home.

2. I’m passionate about languages. True.

I only wish I had more patience and discipline.

3. My dream until the age of 15 was to be a professional ballet dancer. True.

I still have dreams where I dance.

4. I haven’t taken a single antibiotic or any other type of medicine (other than the occasional aspirin) since the age of 9 (that’s 22 years!!). True.

Because of this, my body has learned to fight off viruses and I rarely get sick.

5. I took a year off during college to travel through India. False!!!

If I had the money and the time, I would be in India right now, but I’ve never been there before.

6. I quit drinking coffee cold turkey about four months ago and didn’t get a single withdrawal symptom. True.

It’s all in the mind, I don’t even miss it.

7. Babies weird me out. True.

Once they talk, I’m fine. But all that crying and drooling…

Thanks for playing, all five of you faithful readers! 😉

P.S. My mom arrives today and we’re spending the entire week together. She doesn’t know about this blog and I want to keep it that way, so it’ll be hard to sneak in posts. However, this is revving up to be a helluva week, between her visit, our trip to Vegas (!), my potential interview for the new job, and my 31st birthday on Friday!! I’ll be back next week with a re-cap (either that, or I’ll have to sneak online in the middle of the night while she’s asleep.) HAVE A FUN WEEK!!!

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